Needyfish

So I rewatched "Batman Begins" again. Alone. The movie still rocks, though.

Right now though I feel like Woody in "Toy Story." I'm getting replaced. Some of whom I hoped were my closest friends are drifting away. People who used to constantly call me up and ask me to hang out are now spending more and more time with someone else.

Maybe I'm just moody...maybe when jovial Fish suddenly starts having slightly heavier thoughts on his mind, he's just not worth hanging out with anymore. Maybe I've been too obvious about certain things I should have kept to myself...I don't know...maybe I'm just reading too much into everything...

But I know that I've always been a needy person. Well, not needy...the opposite of needy...selfless maybe? No, that's not it either (though I TRY to be selfless). I suffer from the desire to BE needed. I NEED people to want me to be a part of their lives. I want people I care about to care about me. I am constantly seeking approval, constantly trying to help in people's lives, constantly trying to be someone they can count on.

And when someone doesn't notice that...doesn't return the favor when they notice I'M not feeling great about something...it hurts. I wish I didn't have to feel needed all the time, but of course this is just a part of the human condition. I just wonder if I am abnormally this way...to the point of annoyance even.

All this friend-drifting-away stuff is painful enough...but it's so much worse when the friend is...

Oh screw it...what's the point? I haven't a chance in hell anyways.

And sorry to any readers for a lame whiny post (there I go once again, being overly cautious and seeking approval...proves my point doesn't it?).