"Pirates" Mark 2
One other thing I wanted to touch on in the latest "Pirates" movie. Since when did Jack Sparrow become such a legendary pirate "hero" in this universe? In this movie, there is talk of him being one of the "pirate lords." What the hell? In "Curse of the Black Pearl" part of the reason we liked Jack was because he was the underdog. He was a loser. Nobody knew who he was. ("Surely you've heard of Captain Jack Sparrow" he would ask, and he would always be greeted by blank stares). Making him an almost mythical figure in this movie rubbed me the wrong way. Just because WE as the audience have come to love him and remember him doesn't mean the "Pirates" UNIVERSE needs to. Oh well.
Yesterday for whatever reason I also got deathly ill...seriously sicker than I've been in a long LONG time (I'm still recovering as I write this). This included being unable to hold down much of any food or drink, but at least my various barf sessions throughout the day were a variety of interesting colors. First deep purple, then brilliant orange, then dark sea-green (lovely, huh?).
Anyways, I did what is always the best thing to do when one gets horribly sick, which was to lie down on the couch all day and watch movies. First, as a guarantee to make myself feel better, I watched "Return of the Jedi." When you're feeling down, Star Wars will always be there for you. Then on TV I watched Tim Burton's early film "Beetlejuice," which I'd never seen before.
"Beetlejuice" is far from Tim Burton's best film, but it was inventive and interesting, and QUITE trippy to watch when you're running a high fever. What I enjoyed most were the neat stop-motion animation effects (Tim Burton started out as an animator). Say what you like about CG, but there is a quality to stop-motion that, though unreal, is always mesmerizing. It's a shame that we hardly ever see it anymore.
Anyways, I'm going to go lie down and try to get better. At least I'm not barfing the rainbow any longer.
posted by Fish @ 9:45 AM
1 comments
1 Comments:
I always got the impression that while Jack wasn't well known among average folk, to people "in the know" he was pretty famous/notorious.
for example:
"You've got to be the worst pirate I've ever heard of."
"But you have heard of me."
Norrington recognizes him when he sees the tattoo, no reason to think other pirates wouldn't know who he was, especially given the infamy of the Black Pearl. Also, Elizabeth Swan shows pretty thorough knowledge of his exploits, even though she has nothing to do with piracy/the navy in the first one.
I saw the third one. There were parts I LOVED and there were parts that yeah, either needed to go, or needed to be fleshed out more. The Tia Dalma/Calypso thing took up way too much screen time and basically was just a big buildup for having a sweet whirlpool. The politics/different motives of the pirates dragged down the action and the Sao Feng thing was mishandled.
It's a shame, because stuff like that should be fixed in the second or third draft of the script before they even start shooting, and it's annoying that no one noticed those problems which would have been pretty obvious on the page.
That said, and this is gonna sound epically dumb, I absolutely loved what they did with Will Turner and Elizabeth. It's really crazy thinking of where those two characters were in the first one and where they wind up in this one-- really sells the "epicness" of the story. Will especially goes through a Luke Skywalker-esque transformation from a whiny bitch in the first one to something approaching badass in this one (in spite of more terrible Orlando acting). His interaction with Davey Jones when they're drinking the tea felt like a totally different character-- as in, no more "BARBOSSA YOU FOOL". Elizabeth becoming the Pirate King was pretty damn cool, and having Will be the new captain of the flying dutchman was a nice, semi-tragic end to their love story.
Also, the final battle was beyond words awesome, although it would have been nice if the Pearl/Dutchman fight was going on in the middle of an even huger fight (why were all the ships just chilling there watching?).
I think it would have made more sense if the only way to go back and forth to the land of the dead/Davey Jones' Locker was aboard the Flying Dutchman (since Davey Jones is supposed to ferry the dead). Or rather, there's some piratey artifact that lets the Dutchman make the voyage, but the East India Company has confiscated it to keep a leash on Jones. The movie starts with Will Turner, Elizabeth, and a small party attempting to steal it. You could borrow a page from ROTJ and have it be that the movie starts with Commodore Norrington bringing the "captured" Will Turner to what's-his-face at the EIC. Will is thrown in jail, and we find out that Norrington has flipped sides-- disgusted by the hangings etc. (throw him into that hanging montage at the start, looking revolted). He springs Will from jail, the two steal whatever the artifact is, but they get caught in the process.
This next part would basically just be Return of the Jedi, so maybe you'd want to do something a LITTLE different, but the two of them are set to hang, and right before they drop, the Black Pearl busts in and saves them in a satisfying swashbuckling battle.
After the battle, Will and Elizabeth have some angst and Will leaves again to go find the Dutchman and rescue his father (okay, that part basically is just Luke flying off to Dagobah after the Tatooine battle, but stay with me).
Elizabeth, Barbossa, and the crew go to the Locker using the pirate trinket and rescue Jack. Jack is disturbed to learn that Will is going to try to rescue his father/kill Davey Jones because Jack has his eye on becoming the next Captain of the dutchman. Elizabeth and Barbossa want to call a meeting of the Pirate Lords to discuss fighting the EIC. To do that, they first need to recruit Sao Feng, who has the largest pirate fleet left in the world. They head off to do so, Jack starts leaving a breadcrumb trail for the EIC to follow them (hoping that this will draw out Jones).
Meanwhile, blah blah, Will subplot, Will's father, Davey Jones, blah blah.
Also meanwhile, the EIC guys pick up Sparrow's trail and figure out where they're heading, some island, and move to set up an ambush for them.
Back on the Pearl, Elizabeth, Barbossa, and Jack meet up with Sao Feng on whatever island. Sao Feng agrees to help them-- in return, he wants Elizabeth (he's hot for her, whatever). She agrees. They get ambushed by the EIC, both sides think the other betrayed them, lots of shooting, etc. Sao Feng escapes with Elizabeth and Barbossa, while Jack is captured and brought aboard the Black Pearl, now under EIC command.
Jack makes his deal with the chief EIC guy-- he'll lead them to the pirate lord meeting if he can have command of the Pearl.
On board the Dutchman, Will and his dad plot to steal the Dead Man's Chest from the EIC guys on the ship. Davey Jones receives new orders-- to head after Sao Feng.
Elizabeth/Sao Feng stuff. She convinces him to call a meeting of the Pirate Lords. Light romance? The call is put out.
The Dutchman attacks Sao Feng's ship. In the middle of the exciting sea battle, Will makes his move.Sao Feng gets killed in the battle and names Elizabeth the new captain. Right as the Dutchman is about to finish off Sao Feng's ship, Will appears with the heart, threatening to kill Jones if he doesn't stand down. Elizabeth and Will have a fleeting moment where they see each other across the two ships. Sao Feng's ship escapes.
Will is about to stab the heart and kill Jones. Jones points out to him that if he does so, he'll be the new Captain of the Dutchman and he won't be able to see Elizabeth except for one day every 10 years. Will doesn't have the balls to kill him and stands down. Jones takes his heart back, and now (thanks to Will), is free again. He sets course for Shipwreck Cove, hoping to finish off Jack Sparrow once and for all.
The Pearl also arrives at Shipwreck Cove. Jack attends the Pirate Lord meeting at the behest of the EIC. Elizabeth wants to fight. Barbossa wants to unleash Calypso (this would be the first real scene where we deal with the Calypso subplot, other than some small-ish nods and hints to it along the way). Jack makes his play and Elizabeth becomes the Pirate King.
From here the movie plays out basically the same way. Big epic battle between ALL the ships, with the Pearl/Dutchman whirlpool fight at the center. Will becomes the new captain of the Dutchman, etc. etc. etc.
I think that's a bit cleaner than the current version, and there's no less than four action set pieces/pirate battles to keep the excitement up.
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